I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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