Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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