According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sober January is a disaster.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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