I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
