theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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