tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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