I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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