I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
