It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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