Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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