Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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