At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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