I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
