I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
