I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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