hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
