sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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