Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
