How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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