I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
