On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
