People in love make me want to vomit
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
