apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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