Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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