So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
porn star boner night. come get it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
