i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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