just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
