my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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