Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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