I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
