Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
