Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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