Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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