I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
