I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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