Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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