you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
