Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
