Will you blow on my dice?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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