used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
