I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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