OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
worst night to have a conscience
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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