Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
