I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
