There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
