Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if only i could text you this smell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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