yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
