I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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