Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
