i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
