Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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