she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
