I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm at about main and main street
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
