I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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